I didn't write this, but it's funny so I'll post it
The Hangover Poo
It's slimy, wet, and messy,
it sticks to the toilet like glue.
It requires no further introduction:
it's the dreaded hangover poo.
Arriving early in the morning
after the heavy night before,
it truly stinks to high heaven
and makes your asshole feel raw.
It's both painful and unpleasant,
its stench is quite untrue;
two colleagues now lie unconscious,
having foolishly stepped in the loo.
You're moaning as you're squeezing,
sludge squirting from your ass.
It's never the amount you expected
for the all the effort it required to pass.
Looking back now over your shoulder,
a fine mess is sure to greet --
with a liberal covering of liquid turd
spread 'round the toilet seat.
Upon your closer inspection,
sesame seeds clearly in view --
lasting remnants of the Big Mac meal
consumed at a quarter to two.
The passing's but half the battle;
there's much wiping now to do.
(And an anxious sideward glance
confirms it's three rolls you need, not two.)
The first wipe's a fuckin' nightmare
please ensure to fold paper in two
Yet even in this strengthened state
you've soaked it right the way through.
Twenty agonizing wipes later,
your crack feels a trifle bit sore.
Yellow shit stains still found on the paper --
this dump's always a veritable chore.
You've tenderly wiped clean your butt-hole;
the bog's paper-filled right to the brim.
A hasty yank of the chain to flush,
but its disposal is looking quite grim.
The water now rising to meet you,
without a bog brush anywhere in sight,
your worst nightmares are now confirmed --
and there's no one to assist in your plight.
We've all been there to witness.
We've all fallen foul, yes it's true.
Just beware of your incessant drinking
and the dreaded hangover poo.
